Today Is the First Day of the Rest of the Month

Or at least it was when I wrote that title. I completed one paragraph of this post yesterday then got distracted by a dull object, and before I knew it, it was the second day of the rest of the month. I had big plans for November! But it’s too late now.

I love the first of the month the way some people love the new year or springtime. The first of the month feels like possibility to me, as though I finally have the opportunity to accomplish every single thing that I failed to accomplish in my previous four plus decades of life. Clean closets, one lasting and vital contribution to society, and the laughter of all the little children of the world completed in a mere 28 to 31 days.

Then I spent a good chunk of yesterday napping, so the hell with it.

Besides, my month is already pretty well-scheduled with the sort of mundanities that provide a brief, yet false sense of accomplishment. When the month is over, I will be able to look back and say, “eh.”

In addition to my normally strenuous schedule of doing as little as possible, the following things are on the docket for November:

• jury duty, otherwise known as “three eight-hour days of sitting around reading a book and trying to avoid conversation with my fellow citizens who are bored because they neglected to bring their own damn book”;
• comparing prescription drug plans for my mom since her current plan just changed its copays from $12-$40 in 2009 to $57-$270 in 2010, followed by 96 hours of wondering exactly how amoral a person has to be to work in the health insurance industry these days;
• a meeting with the financial planner, which I need to prepare for by looking in the mirror and practicing my, “I completely understand what you are talking about and I would like to hear more about dollar cost averaging, it is so interesting, really I mean it” face;
• twenty-five minutes with the optometrist in order to ensure the health of my eyes and safeguard my vision for years to come;
• three hours with the optician in order to select eyeglasses that look almost but not quite identical to the eyeglasses I purchased in 2006 and also the ones I purchased in 2003.
• twelve hours of cooking Thanksgiving dinner;
• twenty minutes of eating Thanksgiving dinner;
• two hours of wishing my family would just go home already because Thanksgiving dinner is over and Survivor is about to start;
• thinking about how I should get my Christmas shopping done early so that I can spend all of December baking cookies in the shape of snowmen and watching holiday movies;
• feeling guilty about not getting my Christmas shopping done early;
• deciding that December will be a new month during which I can accomplish all my Christmas shopping as well as every single thing I have failed to accomplish in my previous four plus decades of life; therefore, I better rest up.

So, as you can see, November will be chock full of fun and excitement.